Comebacks to the beautiful, entrancing woman in my life which I've been too cowardly to deliver

While watching Raising Arizona)
HER: So where does this movie take place?
ME: Wasilla, Alaska. Duh.

While cleaning house
HER: Hey! Hey!
ME: (pulls iPod earphones from ears) What?
HER: Why do you wear those things while you're cleaning? Then you can't hear me yelling at you!
ME: Why do you ask questions and then immediately answer them?

While drinking beer recklessly on a Sunday night when I should be grading papers
ME: Could you get me another beer while you're up?
HER: Won't that be your fourth one?
ME: No. It'll be my third one. The next beer will be my fourth.