Area English Teacher "Fucking Fed Up" with Palin's Language

WASHINGTON, D.C.--A suburban high school English teacher has gone on the record as saying he "can't fucking take" another lexical or semantic gaffe by conservative pundit and former vp nominee Sarah Palin.

The teacher, whose name is not being released, made it clear that Palin's upcoming book, America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag, was the primary source of his frustration and that Palin herself was setting the oratorical bar lower than ever.

"How many different ways can this woman bitch up the English language?" the teacher asked at a recent press conference. "Bad enough she's adding 'ey' to the end of any word she doesn't like. Now this."

The teacher explained that what made Palin's book title so inelegant, and "fuck-dumb as a manure pile in the living room," was its asymmetry.

"You can reflect on Family. You can reflect on Faith," he said. "But how in Christ do you reflect on Flag? Does she mean Reflect on a Flag? On the Symbolism of the American Flag?

"Me Sarah Palin. Me reflect on flag," he added. "I need a drink."

Palin's campaign manager, Lou Trillo, defended Palin's title choice.

"[The English teacher] may not see it as a matter of choice, but then, neither do a lot of these cultural liberal elites," he said in a brief press release. "They want you to abide by the government. They want you to abide by what they decide is best for America. But Sarah is a rogue. This is what she does."

The teacher countered Trillo's statement by telling him such assertions were "unfuckingfounded" and that he should get his boss to "shut her damn cake hole."

"'Flag' is a definite reference, not a generic noun," he said. "Language is sacrosanct. So you can take that crap and blow it out your ass."

Palin herself declined to comment, saying through intermiediary sources only that she was "riding in car" to go back home so she could "think about speech" she had to deliver in Boise later that week.

The English teacher, meanwhile, said he was throwing in the towel on teaching grammar and syntax and going home to get high.

"If the political right won't speak English correctly, how in hell can they argue that it should be our national language?" he said. "Language is a tool. In the hands of the ill-suited, what could be a sharp scalpel for incisive and revealing commentary becomes a blunt cudgel used only to grab attention, not deliver information.

" 'Reflections on Flag,' " he added. "My cock-filled ass."

"I used good grammar...and almost bought into domestic terrorism!"