My birthday's coming, bitches!

Only thirty shopping days left. And you don't want to be caught up in a mad rush of shoppers, do you? Of course not. So here's my wish list, none of which should be a surprise--I've been dropping hints on all of this all year now. You're welcome. Go hit the stores.

A Zero Turn Riding Lawn Mower Kawasaki 31 HP Gas Engine, 50 Inch Mid Cut, with Mid Mount Floating Deck, Solid Uni-Body Construction and a 31 HP OHV Kawasaki Durable Engine. Because my lawn deserves the best, most fuel-gobbling, loud and obnoxious monster it can get. http://www.cleaningstuff.net/cleaningsupplies.

A Colt M4 Carbine 6920 AR15 16", with a direct gas operating system and straight-line construction. Because I'm sick and tired of the Accurized 24" rifle. It always jams and I can't hit enough random targets with it. http://www.impactguns.com/.



A one-year membership to Rooster Heaven Hunt Club , 2900 East 12330, North Forrest, IL 61741. Because the Edwardsville Gun Club threw me out. They said I cried too much. Roosterheaven.com.