Rand Paul: Father-in-Chief

As reported in the New York Times on Sunday, Rand Paul parents according to his politics: hands-off, no excessive intrusion, choice-heavy for the child. I did a little more digging into Mr. Paul's Child-Rearing Philosophy as per Tea Party Parenting Guidelines and got some awe-inspiring and soul-stirring answers:

College savings: "This is tantamount to wasteful spending. If the kid wants college badly enough, s/he will work to save up for it firsthand. The last thing American parents want is to enable children leeching off welfare handouts."

Birth Certificate: "In order to qualify for a parent's love and compassion, all children need to be able to provide immediate documentation as proof that they are, in fact, their father's child, and not the result of a one-night stand with the immigrant housecleaner (who coincidentally works for half of the minimum wage)."

Education: "All homework is done with domestic products and is not outsourced in any way that could hurt the American economy. This means working with Texas Instruments calculators rather than Sony, and Drivers Ed must be conducted with Ford and GM products."

Bullying: "Kids getting harassed in the courtyard is healthy competition. Competition breeds excellence. I want my kid excellent. You do the math."

Sex and Sexual Orientation: "Hey, listen kid, I'm not asking, and you're not telling. Got me? Good. Now get outside and work on that curve ball." (wink)