A Humble Suggestion for Eliminating, Revising and Replacing Textspeak

In short, stop it, you idiots. Every acronym and code for a reaction contributes to the further erosion of our verbal and written communication skills. Or do you want Orwell proved right?

But speaking politely, The Flannel Diaries' Social Research Department (a subsidiary of Flannel Diaries Social Research and Development) has devised some "training wheel" replacements for your favorite emoticons and text codes so as to make our transition back to the use of nouns, adjectives and verbs that much easier. Basically, every time you feel the urge to communicate in SMS, consult this list (devised through a painstaking Google search and early morning coffee binge) instead. It's what you're really trying to say after all. Keep these for handy reference, and in no time, you'll be reacquainted with our old friend Mr. Word.

LOL: "Your comments have just elicited an audible reaction indicating amusement on my part."

G2G: "American Idol is on now and I must watch it or I'll die."

TMI: "All I said was, 'How did the honeymoon go?' Put your pants back on."

AAMOF: "I've just made a completely imbecilic point, and am now about to hype it up with manufactured facts of my own device." (Favorite of Tso)

SLAP: "Yes, we should definitely go to the mall and hang out."

TTFN: Males--"I like to boink guys in the butt."; Females--"I like to hang around guys that boink other guys in the butt." (Another favorite of Tso's)

ROTFLMAO: "Those Youtube videos are awesome! Did you see that? That guy totally punched himself in the crotch!"

OMG: "Gracious!"

WTF: "Goodness gracious!"