Interesting conversation with a colleage today. We were arguing over bathroom duties next year. See, because I go between two different campuses, I've been exempt from such circumstances as having to stand outside a bathroom door watching for smokers, drinkers, screwers and anyone else who might violate the school code in some weird and uncompromising position. (The kids are even worse.)

Colleague: Look Gregg, I just wanted you to know, I think it's about time you did a bathroom duty. I mean, I know it's not in your contract and you don't get paid for it or anything, but we've got a hole in the schedule we need to fill.
Me: Well you can't get me to do it. Because it's not in my contract, I'm not obligated to do a thing. Especially if it's to free up time for you so you can go to that mediator conference. Sorry, pal, but you're out of luck.

Okay, that's what I should have said. What came out went something like:

Colleague: It's time you did bathroom duty. We've got a hole in the schedule to fill.
Me: (mumbling) Sure. Whatever works for the better of the school.

Then again, if I'd had any guts:

Colleague: You need to do bathroom duty. It's going in your contract.
Me: Fuck off. (walk away)

But instead, I think I'll go to the truth:

Colleague: You've escaped the terrors of bathroom duty for long enough. Now you pay the price. I told you you couldn't steal my quizzes without some kind of payback.
Me: Oooh, bathroom duty. I am like so scared.

This whole exchange will seem a lot more entertaining if you remember that 1) it actually happened (mitigating circumstances and verbosity changed to protect anonymity) and 2) all scenarios ran through my head so fast, I didn't know which one I'd actually said.

Colleague: Why do you spend so much time with your head cocked to the side like you're thinking something you're too chickenshit to say out loud?
Me: Ooh, I am like so scared.
Colleague: Huh? Of what?
Me: Aren't we talking about bathroom duty.
Colleague: No, now we're talking about what a chickenshit you are.
Me: Oh. Well. Uh, could you ask me again if I'll take bathroom duty?