From The Tragedy of a High School Newspaper, Part II

By William Shakespeare

ACT III Scene ii

Enter hautboys, pages, servants, who survey the empty computer lab, shrug their shoulders and leave. Then, enter Mr. L., Adviser, pale and stoop-shouldered, with trouble concealing his displeasure at the empty lab. Also, he has a bad back.

L.
That which hath given them software
For layout, hath been given to a sponge. E’en though
The hour grows late, and the deadline approacheth,
I fear next week not. Since the path to publication
Is traditionally thorny and steep, every ounce
Of patience I possess shall empower me to not
Yell and scream at anyone upon late night,
When, like the cat I’ the adage, they whine
About their homework, social obligations and
Empty pages. None shall give me pause,
And I shall champion myself to the utterance.

Enter Editor

L
What would thou have, thou saucy boy?

Editor
My lord, as I did survey the parking lot,
I did observe several cars taking flight,
The with to begin the weekend; the without
To neglect all newspaper duties.

L
Go throw dust into the wind and let it
Blow back in thine face, thou lily-livered coward.
I am but one who, buffeted by the winds of fate,
Can do no more than curse, and hear my own voice
Thrown back at me. Begone, vile cretin!

Editor
Okay, whatever.

Exuent