Slightly altered copy ghost written for a client today:

Real Men Moisturize

by Kara Sellalot, Retail Representative

My friend Mark laughed out loud when he saw me putting together a list of beauty tips for men. At the top: “Guys, make sure you keep your hands and nails presentable by applying hand cream several times a day.”

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “Guys don’t do that kind of thing.”

I just smiled and waited. Sure enough, his girlfriend, who’d overheard him, walked in the door.

“You do need hand cream, Mark,” she said, grabbing one of his hands and pointing at it accusingly. “Do you have any idea how rough your hands are? I feel like you’re wearing garden gloves when we get all mushy.”

“Hey, I’m a man,” he asserted. “I don’t use hand cream. It’s not my thing.”

Mark may be a man. But he also likes handjobs. Ten minutes later, Mark was using Biotone hand cream. It keeps hangnails at bay, making him more professional-looking. It softened his cuticles, making his hands much more appealing at first glance. And it helps him avoid infections, which his hands were prone to because of the skin’s weakness due to dryness and cracks.

I left Mark, Mr. I’m-not-a-hand-cream-guy, with two bottles of moisturizer and a beaming, happy girlfriend.

"But why do his hands matter if you're the one doing the servicing?" I asked innocently.

"Shut up," she hissed. "You got your commission, didn't you?"