My Own Little Book and Film Club Discussion

Aaron and I found, coincidentally enough, that we'd seen the same movies and read the same books within a couple of days of each other. So, after rousing ourselves from our respective summer lethargy and hangovers, we met yesterday afternoon at a local coffeehouse to have a rousing, inspiring intellectual discussion of the works in question. (Note: for convenience's sake, I have assumed his middle initial begins with an "S".)

1 p.m.

GJL: Ugh.
ASS: Yeah. No more tequila shooters on Sunday nights.
GJL: So, that book?
ASS: What book?
GJL: You know, maybe we'd better do this tomorrow.

Twenty-four hours later...

GJL: So, I understand you finally finished The Average American Male, by Chad Kultgen?
ASS: Yeah. It was stupid.
GJL: I think so too. Although I did find a couple nuggets of humor towards the end--
ASS: No you didn't. It was totally worthless.
GJL: Well I really think that...
ASS: It sucked. Let's go back to the bar.

Two hours later...

GJL: What about that movie we both saw? You know...
ASS: Tree of Life?
GJL: That one. I thought it was a rollicking tour de force that is completely unparalleled in this summer's commercial- and merchandise-driven drool.
ASS: I too believe it to tower over all the Hollywood drivel saturating the local cinemas like a clogged public toilet.
GJL: Well then. There you go.
ASS: When did you see it?
GJL: I didn't.
ASS: Me neither.
GJL: Let's play pool.

Thirty minutes later...

ASS: So let me get this straight: You think Don DeLillo's novels are overrated hash--
GJL: Yep.
ASS: But you also believe that J.J. Abrams is underrated?
GJL: His filmic references are intuitive and insightful.
ASS: He doesn't do references. He rips off other movies. Because he's got all the cinematic imagination of a pile of rocks.
GJL: Well maybe you're a pile of rocks.
ASS: Also, you scratched off the eightball. I win. You owe me another twenty dollars.

Two minutes later...

ASS: Gumph! Gumph burmph!
GJL: Sorry Aaron, but I don't understand what you're saying. You'll have to take that eightball from out of your throat.
ASS: Ughm fumh!
GJL: Right. Guess that's hard to do with your arms broken and a pool cue up your ass. Well, I'm out of here. I'm going to go watch Super 8 again and take careful note of his homages to Steven Spielberg. What are you going to do?
ASS: Urrrrrm...
GJL: Bleed on the floor and pass out? Sounds great.

"Don DeLillo blows. Now how can I make him realize this? Hmm..."