I can't concentrate on my work. Because I've been drinking too much. So:

Heroic Couplets I Wrote Today

"On Flipping Through the Classified Section of the Chicago Tribune"
To break the wave, and see what skies behind
Ope arms and opportunities divine?
Or, making anchor fast, to hunker down
In waters stagnant, true, but not unsound?

"On Drinking Heavily While Doing Lesson Plans"
The beer commutes from hand to mouth to brain
And throws a wall betwixt my will and gain.
Tis foolish, true, to gorge on nectar sweet,
But comfort tis, since I've goals yet to meet.

"Why I Want to Marry [My Girlfriend] (for reals)"
That woman calls herself my "common" wife.
I'd think this folly, if not for the strife
That does her presence dear accompany--
No trophy that which comes too easily.