CARY--At Dewey's house, listening to his usual line of bullshit. "Yeah, I was going to get high speed internet, but I figured that was too much money."

Well, I use that connection to write high-profile blogs and surf the internet.

"Uh huh. And how much does that cost?"

Uh...ten cents a minute.

"Right. Well, I use the money I *would* spend on stupid cable crap to drink and pursue my intellectual interests."

Like what? Collecting bottle tops?

We went on like this for a few hours, at which point his daughters came downstairs to warn us to keep quiet, or they'd take away whatever remaining alcohol was kept in the house. A sad day, indeed, when nine- and six-year-olds can dictate the behavior of a couple of beat-up thirtysomethings.

Then (god help us both), the women called:

Mrs. Dewey: I just love you so much, and I hope you're having a good time with your pal tonight, but if you forgot to do all the chores I laid out for the two of you, I'll bust your ass.

Dewey: Yes, ma'am.

My Girlfriend: Don't come home tonight without french fries.

Me: You want curly-fries or regular fries, Love of My Life?

Her: What do you think, stupid?

And all that after only ten beers. Check back at midnight for the real juicy stuff.