tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31999782012-01-31T17:16:52.648-06:00Proudly serving your banal Internet browsing needs for 8.165% of a century.Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.comBlogger3721100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-72711796410585504442012-01-25T16:26:00.001-06:002012-01-31T17:16:52.951-06:00

Things I should not have said on my anniversary getaway"Eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Bam! I'm out of here." "Did you pay the gas bill?" "Mind if I call you Mother?" "I shouldn't have had those burritos." "Remember, Two and a Half Men is on in ten minutes." "Here's one my ex taught me." "Wuh-oh." "Did...did I just get a text? You mind if I check really quick?" "What do you think the

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-38535064249199474362012-01-22T13:01:00.004-06:002012-01-22T14:39:11.041-06:00

Griftopia: Manifesto for those struggling with the hangover of the financial crisisDisclaimer: When it comes to money and the business world, I rank somewhere between a pacifier-sucking infant and college freshman stoned on paint fumes in terms of comprehension. Ask me about my financial portfolio and I'll just blink and stare at you. Talk to me about derivatives and I'll most likely suffer an

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-9721428936895756912011-12-15T02:01:00.002-06:002011-12-15T16:13:27.836-06:00

The Infernals Take TJ's and Texting to Town"Are you guys ready to rock?"Lead guitarist Chris Dewey stands before the crowd of rockandrollophiles before him at TJ's Bar in Palatine, arms outstretched, fingers flipped into devil's horns, a gleam of defiance in his eyes and lip curled into a sneer Sid Vicious would kill for.Dimly, electronic chimes jingle. He pauses and looks at an electronic

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-25439475389928748472011-12-07T17:23:00.001-06:002011-12-15T16:51:31.022-06:00

A potential submission to NPR's Fiction Writing ContestThis is quite possibly the worst entry I've ever written. In fact, this was actually a writing assignment given to a bunch of sixteen year-olds. They had to begin wtih "No one really believed the story at first" and end with "Like all good things, it came to an end." I was going to showcase their work, but decided to showcase my own instead.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-65201673501277197382011-11-12T03:30:00.000-06:002011-12-07T15:33:52.908-06:00

A late postHad I world enough and time, I would have told this story: It was late. Tso and I were boozing it up in an Irish pub. We laughed. We cried. We argued politics. We swore at each other and yelled at things. It was grand. And suddenly, a man passing by came over to us. "Excuse me," he said. "I don't mean to interrupt, but...are you two gay?""No!" shrieked Tso. "Yes," I said immediately.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-33226944388566842722011-10-17T19:37:00.000-05:002011-10-17T19:37:00.846-05:00

And now, a humorous comment, made in a suburban bathroom..."This must be where the Jolly Green Giant comes to take a piss."--me, at Lamplighters in Palatine

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-44675812122216108832011-10-16T14:26:00.000-05:002011-10-16T14:57:17.968-05:00

Epilepsy walk-a-thon draws local band, volunteers, ass-kickingThe Third Annual Geriatrics Run for Epilepsy 5K began at 8 a.m. and in an hour and a half, I've already managed to lap the two runners in front of me. I take deep gulps of air and pump my arms harder, feeling the cold fall breeze burn my lungs and send my sluggish blood pumping like through my veins like Tom Sizemore through a Vegas

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-81476665331653411032011-10-02T11:50:00.000-05:002011-10-08T07:09:48.861-05:00

NPR's Fiction Contest: Take 7This month, some author I never heard of gave the marching orders: "You want to enter the contest? Get your little story published? Oh, how cute! Of course you can give it a shot! And maybe you'll win! And maybe I'll quit writing and go back to busing tables! Anyway, send your putrid attempt at creativity to NPR before the end of September. The rules: Your 600-word

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-46299180212703915072011-09-10T14:24:00.000-05:002011-09-10T14:25:29.759-05:00

Diane Ravitch reviews two books about education and education "reform." Take note: when have we not been in an educational crisis? Get off my back, America. I'm not the problem.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-14570058710420744502011-08-14T18:32:00.000-05:002011-08-18T16:40:17.666-05:00

Bachmann sets record straight on Biblical submissionsAMES--On her Sunday talk show circuit, Representative Michele Bachmann, after winning the Iowa straw poll, fielded questions about a comment she made in a 2006 stump speech in which she said she became a tax lawyer because her husband wanted her to. "“Tax law? I hate taxes,” she said in the speech. “Why should I go into something like that? But

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-6779503821919958792011-07-30T14:08:00.007-05:002011-07-30T14:34:17.450-05:00

The Infernals, not Journey or Night Ranger, Play the Gallery Cabaret(and they're not the band Foreigner either...)Truthfully, I do make mistakes on occasion. Some of those mistakes are benign (“I swear, ma’am, I have no idea what you’re talking about; I think your breasts were staring at me”); others transcend the boundaries of the social compact (“I did say ‘Watch out for that truck’ dear; you

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-6488143141520501832011-07-12T22:36:00.000-05:002011-07-12T22:36:00.154-05:00

My Own Little Book and Film Club DiscussionAaron and I found, coincidentally enough, that we'd seen the same movies and read the same books within a couple of days of each other. So, after rousing ourselves from our respective summer lethargy and hangovers, we met yesterday afternoon at a local coffeehouse to have a rousing, inspiring intellectual discussion of the works in question. (Note: for

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-10388957263034178922011-07-11T22:44:00.005-05:002011-07-11T22:55:55.312-05:00

"Upon Sighting a Toilet on a Ledge"One foot on the floorAnd one upon the ledgeKeeps me leveraged sureWhile doing my business.That's right. In Sevierville, Tennessee, in Dolly Parton's home town, there's a local bar with good food and cheap drinks. Its main bathroom has a toilet that's on a ledge. I have some ideas on why it's like this, but I don't want to gross anyone out...

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-19752630559040975242011-06-12T05:19:00.000-05:002011-06-12T15:27:41.652-05:00

"Let me tell you about Arizona..."For those of you who care, I'll be gone for a couple of weeks, starting tomorrow, at a journalism institute in Phoenix. For those of you who don't care, why are you reading this? Get lost. I broke the news to some friends at a neighborhood bar the other day (they indicated their displeasure by cheering and buying everyone rounds), and my plans were overheard by

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-66826601307928627282011-05-20T17:51:00.000-05:002011-05-20T18:58:48.152-05:00

Rapture-Fest 2011 To celebrate our last day on earth before the Coming of Christ and Doomsday tomorrow, I'm throwing a Rapture Festival. We've rented out the auditorium on Main Street, which is only available until midnight, when it will presumably be engulfed in flames. Party highlights:--we'll snag some of the locusts that will infest the world and use them to chase tequila shots--a "Best Jesus

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-43396736901519197752011-05-07T19:25:00.002-05:002011-05-07T19:27:52.980-05:00

Thoughts that ran through my head in haiku upon regarding a telephone mounted on the wall next to a toiletWow. That is somethingI have never seen before.I think I'll call Tso.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-5353709139248460482011-04-23T13:50:00.003-05:002011-04-23T21:16:38.169-05:00

My Tech Assistance Phone CallSetting: My living room, where my Airport Utility modem has quit working. After drinking two beers, I look up the number for the tech support line and dial it. Then, realizing I have to pee, I hang up, visit the bathroom, and redial. Then I remember I have to wash my hands, but decide not to and continue with phone call.ME: (humming tune to "Facts of Life") Got to

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-39432153605498781592011-04-18T14:42:00.001-05:002011-04-18T14:48:00.627-05:00

Idioms I Hate #217: "Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Titanic"In a Tea Party rally this past weekend, Palin, using her tried and true playbook, railed against President Obama for spending the country into a future fiscal Armageddon, and the GOP for not cutting taxes on all poor people, rather than just most. Such stories are entertaining for me these days, as opposed to frightening, when I

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-51244605742354826842011-04-17T09:54:00.009-05:002011-04-17T11:30:47.420-05:00

Intercepted letter to Bullets in Madison from band manager Joel PendeltonFollowing correspondence to Chicago band Bullets in Madison from their manager intercepted via FOIA filed this morning.Guys:Okay, I know you "fired" me after I booked you to that kid's bat mitzvah in Boise, and I know you think I spend too much time at my car dealership and not enough time cold calling concert venues. But

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-375933727754430882011-03-29T07:08:00.003-05:002011-03-29T07:22:08.897-05:00

Comics today suckI'm thinking of boycotting the funny pages. I just can't take it. Maybe this isn't an overall, nationwide thing; maybe it's only a Midwestern thing. But seriously, are we really that boring that the only way to tickle our funnybones these days, the only way to access shared experiences and philosophies, is to comment on the pieces of suburban existence? Humor should reflect the

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-46156570550189280312011-03-24T21:15:00.005-05:002011-03-24T21:42:48.881-05:00

Another Pathetic Moment of Triumph for my Pathetic Scrapbook (for my Pathetic Old Age)Had to hear some complaints about the testing director from some of my classes today. "Oh man, she's so mean." "God, do you know, like, if you don't have the test number for the quiz you're supposed to take, she, like, yells at you? She can't just turn around and look it up?" "Yeah, she's a total Nazi."If I were

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-21853752390806749782011-03-11T19:13:00.001-06:002011-07-25T23:43:06.744-05:00

When I Get Passionate (I Also Get Stupid)--Published: 2001, Park Lake, Inc.George Edison walked into his swank Upper West Side apartment just after six p.m. He slung his jacket in a corner and turned on the television real loud. He made himself a bourbon and water, slamming ice cubes into the glass with maximum force and noise, and made sure to belch loudly several times before shouting, "Jessica

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-57343078742859486842011-02-23T20:18:00.003-06:002011-02-26T20:54:48.960-06:00

An excerpt from my mystery-noir novel, So Young, So Tardy, So Dead: A Trip Duncan High School MysteryThe hallway outside Room 167 was dark and dank. The air was fetid. I lit a cigarette against the chill and slouched against the wall, pulling my slouch hat low over my face and balling my hands into fists. Two days’ worth of beard stubble rasped against my coat collar. My eyes were blue steel. My

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-26515282901816455302011-02-22T17:37:00.006-06:002011-02-22T18:08:56.063-06:00

Push, by Sapphire: A ReviewPush is the stream-of-consciousness novel by Sapphire, poet and performer, that created such a ruckus when first published over a decade ago and which was turned into an acclaimed film, Precious, in 2009. It's the story of a young woman who...holy fuck, this book is disturbing.Ok, let me start over:Push tells the story of 16-year-old Clareece "Precious" Jones, who, at

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-69686221141053011772011-01-29T16:22:00.004-06:002011-01-29T16:39:36.841-06:00

Ways to Pass the Time at a Job FairI'm a professional. It's a tough job market out there. You want to give job candidates a fair chance. But if I weren't a professional, this is probably what I'd be up to...Greet candidates with a pleasant "Good morning!" and then say nothing. How much can you get out of them with nods, throat-clearings and the occasional raised eyebrow?Start out by telling them,

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-43837102413978477972010-12-28T21:12:00.004-06:002010-12-31T17:49:45.120-06:00

My Somewhat Ecclectic and Scattered "Best Of" List of 2010Harlan Ellison once said any book you haven't read is a new book. I like that. I take comfort in that. It reminds me we're never really finished with the arts, since they can hardly finish with us. Hell, last month I leafed through an old Balzac novel I thought I'd absorbed a decade ago, only to discover I didn't remember two-thirds of it.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-70181948304203157102010-12-22T19:10:00.004-06:002010-12-22T19:18:01.702-06:00

Poetry Written Upon Seeing a Disabled Toilet at the Pub Down the Street"The sign tells me it doesn't work. No big deal:There's still a hole there.""What disappears whenI pull the handle abovemy mess on the floor?"

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-4911995173751180112010-12-11T11:50:00.006-06:002010-12-23T13:17:52.170-06:00

"It became clear after my colonoscopy that I had to kill her..."No jury in the world will convict me of murdering the Woman I Love. Why, you ask? Simplicity itself.Under doctor's orders, I had to go and get one of these damnable procedures last week. Nothing earth-shattering as far as why, I assure you, although the fact that I'd rather get medical instruments shoved in me than go to work for the

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-36910913586257484992010-11-19T18:15:00.004-06:002010-11-20T13:00:54.476-06:00

My Web-based Sexual Harassment Tutorial Crib NotesFig 1. Potential lawsuit.Look at Fig. 1 closely. Can you spot the potential lawsuit?If you can't, then you're clearly in need of sexual harassment training. If you can, well, guess what? You're getting training anyway.Clearly, sexually inappropriate behavior in the workplace is a serious offense. That's why my employer gives us this halfassed

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-13967778536989148222010-11-14T14:09:00.004-06:002010-11-14T14:15:27.061-06:00

Local goes to Florida, Gets MarriedA beach- and downtown-Key West wedding reviewWhat I remember was totally awesome. But the stuff I wish I could remember, I'm sure, was even more awesome. Congrats to Tso and his blushing bride. Now: you guys are doing the holiday cooking this year, right?

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-29305745756871046332010-11-11T21:46:00.005-06:002010-11-14T14:08:22.931-06:00

New rock band Bullets in Madison on fire with new single; lead singer on fire with fireOriginally published August, 2003, in Spun Magazine; reprinted here in light of rerelease of Panic in Amber BlueOriginally published August, 2003, in Spun Magazine; reprinted here in light of rerelease of Panic in Amber BlueThe singer steps up to the microphone, wind machine ruffling his clothes and

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-24827549984986203232010-10-16T03:15:00.004-05:002010-10-16T03:23:27.398-05:00

Website addresses I'm either sure exist or think should existIron Sheik on Youtube. http://ironsheikyoutubereview.blogspot.com/. A blog exclusively about the WWF star Iron Sheik's meltdowns and conniption fits on Youtube. Professor Blago. http://blagojevichyoutubereview.blogspot.com. A blog exclusively focused to former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich's spouting of my favorite poetry in front

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-10932499906555013152010-10-06T18:40:00.000-05:002010-10-06T18:45:18.358-05:00

Tso is Tso damn gullible...Me (via text message): Just got tickets to Charlotte for your stinking wedding. Tso: Why Charlotte? Wedding is in Key West. Me: Whoops. Tso: 15 hour drive. Are you nuts? Me: Nuts like a fox! Don't worry. I'll be there on the 29th. Tso: Wedding is on the 18th. Me: Whoops.Tso: WTF moment?Me: WTF like a fox!-------------—---------------I could play this guy like a violin.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-80792039827144006792010-09-14T17:56:00.006-05:002011-10-02T11:59:07.823-05:00

From NPR's Contest Story Site: Three-Minute Fiction is back, and it's time for Round Five!Our contest has a simple premise: Listeners send in original short stories that can be read in three minutes or less. We're looking for original work no longer than 600 words.Each round, our judges throw out a challenge. This time, your story must begin with the line, "Some people swore that the house was

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-36154354838506264072010-09-12T18:34:00.000-05:002010-09-14T18:35:20.533-05:00

Thomas Friedman's "We're Number 11!" Required reading for anyone invested in the debate over education.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-63067762526432893442010-08-31T17:41:00.002-05:002010-08-31T17:43:39.449-05:00

An Open Letter to a Friend of Mine Who's Going to France While I Toil Here in Wretched, Abject Misery and JealousyDear Matt, So you're going au France, are you? Good for you! Of course I was only kidding before! About hating you for going! How could I, loyal friend that I am, be so small-minded and petty as to sabotage your journey? Très unlikely. In fact, I've gone so far as to try to help

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-56718493871746267732010-08-13T16:45:00.002-05:002010-08-13T16:48:24.173-05:00

My Introductory Lecture and Reading List for Fall, 2010Hi kids! Welcome back! I'm your teacher. Hold the applause. Yes, it's been two months and change since we've all seen each other. Joey, I see you've been working out. Mustache is coming in well, isn't it? Whoah, that's a killer grip you've got there. Good. You're growing into a fine young woman. Sarah, not so plain and tall any more, are

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-16730613971597154822010-08-05T17:54:00.005-05:002010-08-05T18:11:38.178-05:00

Film Notes Assignment for "Dante's Inferno: An Animated Epic"Directions: Note observations, critical and stupid, while watching the movie and write a summative evaluation at the end.Dante seems pretty buff for a would-be medieval pilgrim. I didn't know clerics had such broad shoulders, armor and deadly swords. Okay, scratch the last comment: Dante is a Crusader? This is critical of the church?

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-31822202902453512712010-07-10T19:18:00.000-05:002010-12-22T19:24:42.473-06:00

Lines of Poetry Written Upon Contemplation of a Really Screwed-Up Bathroom in Tinleytown, D.C."And whoever tells me there's a need for more government transparencyWill have to do their business here, or else shut up."

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-81454973233363894412010-07-08T13:48:00.004-05:002010-07-08T13:58:15.030-05:00

Rejected Fortune Cookie Submissions--"It's been ten minutes. You'd better call home and check on the kids before something happens."--"We can recommend a good proctologist."--"If you had the chicken, see the hostess before you leave."--"Time to pull the plug on that machine that's keeping Gram Gram alive."--"If it oozes and hurts, you've got at least a few months."--"They're talking about you."

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-2231799179392158932010-07-07T14:25:00.000-05:002010-07-07T16:02:54.600-05:00

Proof I am a red-blooded American andnot a secret Russian spyWith all the hype about the Russian agents circulating amongst the US in recent weeks, we're all getting a little nervous about who's really whom he says he is. And if history is any guide, that proves it's time to start pointing fingers and making wild accusations about each other. So before the mass hysteria sets in, I'd like to

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-91309170801959115892010-06-23T14:30:00.003-05:002010-10-16T03:28:13.741-05:00

My On Record Introduction to the Shakespeare InstituteI live and teach in a working- and white collar district. I've been teaching for twelve years (ten in the public schools, two as a teaching assistant), although the last few years have been a bit hairy, what with revamped curriculum, new preps and the like. I do journalism and the school newspaper as well.The only play I've taught consistently

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-69933019365216138122010-06-17T09:56:00.002-05:002010-06-17T10:09:55.654-05:00

Ring Tone Suggestions for the Special People In My LifeSandra Bullock's Ex-husband Jesse James: "Don't Trust Me" by 3o3BP Oil Executive Tony Hayward: "River Runs Red" by Midnight OilFormer Chicago Police Officer John Burge: "Peace, Love and Understanding," by Elvis Costello

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-87194077530941765532010-06-14T22:30:00.006-05:002010-06-14T22:49:31.350-05:00

My birthday's coming, bitches!Only thirty shopping days left. And you don't want to be caught up in a mad rush of shoppers, do you? Of course not. So here's my wish list, none of which should be a surprise--I've been dropping hints on all of this all year now. You're welcome. Go hit the stores.A Zero Turn Riding Lawn Mower Kawasaki 31 HP Gas Engine, 50 Inch Mid Cut, with Mid Mount Floating Deck,

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-58451187956177620382010-06-12T18:26:00.013-05:002010-06-13T09:57:44.078-05:00

Passages from my self-published romance novels, available for immediate purchasePurchase the following titles wherever fine paperbacks are sold.The Mysteries of LovePublished: 1997, Harcoyrt/Brase, Inc. "I find myself attracted to you," he said, approaching her slowly and loosening his tie.She blushed, knowing full well that he only loosened his tie when he found himself attracted to women. She

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-64624233651546588612010-06-09T21:00:00.006-05:002010-06-09T21:20:14.644-05:00

Rejected New Yorker CartoonsEvery issue, the New Yorker hosts their Write a Caption contest, where you get to supply the joke to the already-drawn cartoon. I've entered this contest every damn month my entire life, and they have yet to accept any of my witty, cultured, erudite submissions. If you need further proof of an elitist, pinko bias to the nation's oldest arts and literature magazine, I

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-5811025831212115832010-06-08T21:17:00.005-05:002010-06-08T21:53:45.549-05:00

Rand Paul: Father-in-ChiefAs reported in the New York Times on Sunday, Rand Paul parents according to his politics: hands-off, no excessive intrusion, choice-heavy for the child. I did a little more digging into Mr. Paul's Child-Rearing Philosophy as per Tea Party Parenting Guidelines and got some awe-inspiring and soul-stirring answers:College savings: "This is tantamount to wasteful spending.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-18002694916979249212010-06-05T16:47:00.000-05:002010-06-08T16:22:31.060-05:00

Commencement Analysis 2010As hundreds of thousands of graduation ceremonies unfold this weekend, most parents are probably thinking roughly the same thing: “Why the hell didn’t I wear something lighter? It’s hot out here!”Well, that remains a mystery. However, as of today, approximately 10 million seniors have walked across the stage and received a sheepskin as reward for four years of rigorous

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-46238874129929899572010-05-31T21:58:00.000-05:002010-06-15T09:00:56.797-05:00

My Eighth Grade Journal:The Spring MusicalWednesday, March 23 1988 Today, they posted signin sheets for the spring musical, Up Your Wall. Turns out I'm doing it this year, but only because Matt switched the signup titles and I thought I was entering the Dungeons and Dragons Gamers Club. When I went to the first meeting, I said I wanted to be a wizard, and Mrs. Royce said, Well, that's nice, but

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-60692549321455441832010-05-31T09:45:00.001-05:002010-05-31T09:45:49.454-05:00

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-61441982311527206052010-05-30T14:02:00.004-05:002010-05-31T09:25:59.200-05:00

Making Amends File #324To: Jimmy SpazoliRe: Your Getting Caught with Gabrielle UnigerJimmy, you probably don't remember me, but we went to high school together. We didn't have any classes together or anything, but we passed by in the hallways once or twice. You were usually holding Garbrielle's hand and stealing kisses before classes and mushy, lovey things like that. You probably never noticed

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-79262806991721028782010-05-30T13:44:00.003-05:002010-05-30T14:10:48.329-05:00

Making Amends File #323To: Gabrielle UnigerRe: Our would-be high school romanceGabrielle, you might remember back in high school that annoying kid who sat behind you in study hall and stared down the front of your shirt all the time. The kid who made hooting and kissing noises whenever you walked by him in the hall. The kid who was caught with a photo of a Playboy model with your yearbook photo

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-86530216264413248712010-05-28T15:19:00.006-05:002010-05-30T13:02:59.245-05:00

The Happening (Happens): An M. Night Shyamalan FilmStarring Alma, Jess, Julian, Eliot...and meScene 1ELIOT: Something's happening!ALMA: What is it?ELIOT: The trees! The grass! I think...I think nature is communicating with itself!ALMA: Oh my God!ELIOT: In order to protect themselves against humanity's damage, they're releasing a toxin that causes self-destructive--ME: This is stupid. (Goes

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-3002948865776195382010-05-27T17:32:00.000-05:002010-05-30T14:20:30.846-05:00

Comebacks to the beautiful, entrancing woman in my life which I've been too cowardly to deliverWhile watching Raising Arizona)HER: So where does this movie take place?ME: Wasilla, Alaska. Duh. While cleaning houseHER: Hey! Hey!ME: (pulls iPod earphones from ears) What? HER: Why do you wear those things while you're cleaning? Then you can't hear me yelling at you!ME: Why do you ask questions and

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-49872233610605264562010-05-26T21:19:00.005-05:002010-05-26T21:27:35.354-05:00

Suggested Curriculum Revisions for the State of TexasRecently, the state of Texas voted to rewrite their secondary education curriculum to make sure it reflected conservative, Christian values. Without question, the following passages need to be chopped, in order to ensure the continued moral development of our children. These passages are filthy and perverted. Strike them from the record. Now. "

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-92203941742155856342010-05-26T19:34:00.001-05:002010-05-26T19:34:48.790-05:00

Palin lays down law on neighbor reporterFormer governor of Alaska Sarah Palin reported on her Facebook page yesterday that freelance writer Joe McGinniss is renting a house next to hers in Wasilla in order to write a book on her.Palin, concerned about privacy and lifestyle violations, immediately spoke to police, who issued a series of edicts limiting McGinniss' activities and intrusions,

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-23632366937753235392010-05-26T18:08:00.009-05:002010-05-29T18:14:12.405-05:00

Pathetic Moments of Triumph I am Currently RelivingEpisode I: 1993, Lake Zurich BlockbustersMy friend Jen and I are out getting a movie to watch at my place. Jen asks me if she can drive my mother's 1990 Honda Accord back, since she's got her drivers ed test coming up, which will determine whether or not she'll get a license, which will, in turn determine whether or not we'll get to hang out this

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-17675121012584978602010-05-25T19:42:00.002-05:002010-05-25T19:43:05.186-05:00

Bardcast has podcasts on multiple topics. I'm going through them to see if there's anything I want to steal for the seminar next month.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-6690791662445927092010-05-13T12:41:00.007-05:002010-05-25T19:51:51.089-05:00

Area English Teacher "Fucking Fed Up" with Palin's LanguageWASHINGTON, D.C.--A suburban high school English teacher has gone on the record as saying he "can't fucking take" another lexical or semantic gaffe by conservative pundit and former vp nominee Sarah Palin.The teacher, whose name is not being released, made it clear that Palin's upcoming book, America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-24949933346422819552010-05-13T05:58:00.009-05:002010-05-25T19:51:02.263-05:00

Palin's next book already making waves. Shallow, empty waves... CHICAGO--Confidential sources, and page seven of today's newspaper, have confirmed that former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin will be releasing her second book, titled America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag. Palin mentioned the title during a recent speech at the Rosemont Theater yesterday, where

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-24977869473174391952010-05-11T20:15:00.000-05:002010-05-29T18:16:53.931-05:00

A Rushed Review of Me and Shakespeare, a memoir by Herman GollobA lot of what Gollob has to say in this admittedly riveting memoir makes me want to punch him in his erudite, enthusiastic mouth. Basically, the book takes us into his golden years of retirement and his blossoming interest in All Things Shakespeare: reading the plays, studying the plays, teaching them, watching them and interpreting

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-9271732841121529742010-05-05T17:45:00.006-05:002010-05-05T17:53:53.862-05:00

It used to be, Bill O'Reilly was who I went to when I needed something to vent my spleen upon. Now Hannity fits the bill. Sean Hannity complained about Bill Maher tarring all Republicans as racists by having two commentators on (both black, I think; one from the left, one from the right) and talking over the guy on the left. Standard Operating Procedure, from what I can tell. Only thing is, he

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-89666474541400275962010-05-01T14:38:00.012-05:002010-05-03T20:35:22.591-05:00

The Limping Dogs Debut at Lamplighters (But First, a Word on Their Origins)I'm in my basement trying to coax my mutant, mentally handicapped chihuahua out from under the couch so I can go to a rock concert. Typical drama in this household: it's 6 p.m. and I'm due at Lamplighter's in Palatine for the debut of an exciting act, a once-in-a-lifetime assemblage of musical talent and sensibility. And

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-55658480342143980712010-05-01T12:06:00.002-05:002010-05-01T14:49:08.292-05:00

An Indian comic I found today while surfing the web on my iPhone while waiting for Kim to relinquish the laptop that is rightfully mine, so I can finish my own comic (which probably won't be as good, but still, it's the principle of the thing, you know, and besides, what's she doing that's so imp...)[Rest of heading deleted due to extreme boringness--ed.]Click on comic to read the whole thing.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-50647383048509461002010-04-22T05:59:00.006-05:002010-04-24T05:42:44.004-05:00

A Humble Suggestion for Eliminating, Revising and Replacing TextspeakIn short, stop it, you idiots. Every acronym and code for a reaction contributes to the further erosion of our verbal and written communication skills. Or do you want Orwell proved right? But speaking politely, The Flannel Diaries' Social Research Department (a subsidiary of Flannel Diaries Social Research and Development) has

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-30097737511078273002010-04-21T19:09:00.002-05:002010-04-21T19:12:37.096-05:00

God, IncorporatedBasically, when I first got some photo editing software, I stayed up all night screwing around, trying to do something appropriately sacrilegious. But I abandoned it after the first page.P.S. You have to click on it. I can't figure out how to get Blogger to leave more room for images.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-6905980893742098502010-04-10T08:53:00.001-05:002010-04-10T11:55:10.644-05:00

Retort to Facebook MomsAnd whoever feels the need to tell the world,"Oh, how I need a mani and a pedi!"Ensures my absence at her child's First Communion.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-65455888044676672172010-04-03T17:03:00.007-05:002010-04-03T17:21:14.623-05:00

I can't concentrate on my work. Because I've been drinking too much. So:Heroic Couplets I Wrote Today"On Flipping Through the Classified Section of the Chicago Tribune"To break the wave, and see what skies behindOpe arms and opportunities divine?Or, making anchor fast, to hunker downIn waters stagnant, true, but not unsound?"On Drinking Heavily While Doing Lesson Plans"The beer commutes from hand

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-79286540671562009612010-04-03T14:21:00.008-05:002010-04-18T08:15:29.408-05:00

Summer Employment EmergesThe Shakespearian powers that be in Washington, D.C. have bestowed a stipend upon yours truly to study four Shakespeare plays this summer and ways to integrate them into the high school curriculum. So, for a month, I'll be living in downtown D.C. boning up on Macbeth, Henry IV Part One, Measure for Measure and Twelfth Night (I think) and cooking up lesson plans for

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-52722652698376115842010-03-31T15:29:00.004-05:002010-04-18T09:10:45.278-05:00

This week's book review: The Death and Life of the Great American School System: How Testing and Choice are Undermining Education by Diane Ravitch"Seasoned Argument--Needs to be Required Reading on Capitol Hill"This week, the Chicago Tribune has been running a series of editorials calling for more vouchers, more teacher accountability, getting competitive, weeding out the bad teachers, giving

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-74554585668970777422010-03-30T18:07:00.001-05:002010-03-31T03:39:41.574-05:00

Lunch with my old manHere, Dad changes my ring tone to something suitably masculine and hard core. So. Who is this "Boy George" person?

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-24218057388267391242010-03-28T11:16:00.001-05:002010-03-28T11:18:29.336-05:00

The Rage is Not About Health Care." From today's Times, by Frank Rich. Who knew?

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-35141826800123911332010-03-26T17:22:00.005-05:002010-03-31T03:40:49.427-05:00

Vice-Presidential Potty MouthesVice President Joe Biden's f-bomb after President Obama's passage of the health care bill, coupled with former Vice President Cheney's snarled "go (bleep) yourself" from a few years ago, was shocking. Utterly shocking. Truly and utterly shocking. It's language we haven't heard from the esteemed second banana of the Oval Office...except for a few notable examples.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-78767681717437735752010-03-22T17:53:00.004-05:002010-03-23T14:29:57.063-05:00

"Bullets in Madison Schwings at Schuba's: Episode II Missed Episode I? Go read it first. Done? Good. Continue, mes enfants.I'm on a plane with Bullets in Madison, and I'm going to die. Yeah, I know. I said that already. But here's the part where it actually happens. Beforehand, we were all going to die. Beforehand we were only on a plane ride to Chicago for the band's concert at Schuba's, and

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-62337019843087386402010-03-21T21:02:00.004-05:002010-03-22T18:09:44.264-05:00

Bullets in Madison Schwings at Schuba's: Episode II’m on a plane ride to Chicago with Bullets in Madison, and we're all going to die. Of course, this particular plane ride didn’t start out that way. At first, I thought only I was going to die. Having sat through another two-hour ordeal they call a concert at Schaumburg’s Dave and Buster's, I was more than ready to take my toaster into the bathtub

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-63902462789526529182010-03-19T21:39:00.002-05:002010-03-22T18:02:39.864-05:00

Going MobileOn a quest for the perfect blog software...

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-19865354557075235712010-03-18T21:25:00.002-05:002010-03-18T21:31:45.331-05:00

Tso: The (un)Heroic Couplets 1The wheel finds its rut within the road,And like as not, so Tso finds his true voiceBy parroting those lesser minds before:"No taxes! And to hell with all the poor!" 2The infantile penis jokes abound,And male dancers about Tso's head surround. 3A fool finds strength from fools who've spoke before;Tso'd have a shot, but oh! he's such a bore:"No

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-57132251845268407122010-03-17T19:41:00.002-05:002010-03-17T20:44:56.007-05:00

LAYOUT--My editor asked for a movie review for this month's A&E pages. So, here 'tis.P.S. For all those out partying on St. Paddy's day tonight whilst I tarry here...fuck you all. An Education deserves attentionIt’s not hard to admit—I was prejudiced in favor of An Education before walking into the theater. For one thing, Lone Scherfig’s narrative of a young English schoolgirl seduced by a con

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-38983423012744600092010-03-17T18:44:00.004-05:002010-03-17T20:51:47.896-05:00

LAYOUT--Co-workers wanted To Kill a Mockingbird lesson plans. So I'm submitting these. That'll show them--don't ask me for nothing.Still waiting to get out of here and go drink green beer.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-75139981321106847392010-03-12T21:23:00.003-06:002010-03-18T21:25:40.665-05:00

From The Tragedy of a High School Newspaper, Part IIBy William ShakespeareACT III Scene iiEnter hautboys, pages, servants, who survey the empty computer lab, shrug their shoulders and leave. Then, enter Mr. L., Adviser, pale and stoop-shouldered, with trouble concealing his displeasure at the empty lab. Also, he has a bad back. L.That which hath given them softwareFor layout, hath been given to a

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-74143144063612369722010-03-11T16:12:00.000-06:002010-03-11T16:13:30.937-06:00

And now, a memo from Channel 9Things the WGN anchors aren’t allowed to say any more. Apparently, Tribune Co. CEO Randy Michaels sent a memo with over 100 phrases, words and the like that must not be uttered on the airwaves under any circumstance.  At first, I thought this was stupid, if not alarming: are we dumbing down news language yet again? Oh dear God. Is “torpor” shooting too high for our

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-56927809209121305062010-03-10T08:56:00.000-06:002010-03-11T06:04:10.206-06:00

Kids are getting an earful from counseling about college entrance. So I'm hiding in the back, grading papers and reading Salon.com:Glenn Beck and Eric Massa waste America's time. Sarah Palin is of no importance.Does Limbaugh remember 1994? Probably not. Good stuff.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-20557451336906252522010-02-24T15:47:00.003-06:002010-02-24T15:55:33.201-06:00

My First SonnetorWater in the desertThe empty vessel, overflowing thoughIts brim be wide, remains, I do so hold,A porous liability, since soInadequate its sides when filled with holes. A leaky bucket’s no alternativeWhen water in the desert’s found no more;Dehydrated, no comfort do we feelIn noting water drops outside our doors. Encircle your hands about, and bring them down;No time is there for

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-10317689812431550992010-02-22T15:49:00.002-06:002010-02-24T15:48:53.727-06:00

NCTE's Definition of 21st Century Literacy, from about two years ago. What struck me as interesting: One bullet point says that today's writers "Manage, analyze and synthesize multiple streams of simultaneous information." This, after multiple studies have documented just how bad multitaskers are at multitasking, that when you multitask, you do multiple chores badly, whereas focusing on one task

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-54953330747545666282010-02-15T15:48:00.004-06:002010-02-15T16:02:25.927-06:00

Slightly altered copy ghost written for a client today:Real Men Moisturizeby Kara Sellalot, Retail RepresentativeMy friend Mark laughed out loud when he saw me putting together a list of beauty tips for men. At the top: “Guys, make sure you keep your hands and nails presentable by applying hand cream several times a day.”“Yeah, right,” he scoffed. “Guys don’t do that kind of thing.”I just smiled

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-73585207135580408192010-02-10T18:16:00.002-06:002010-02-15T16:01:08.618-06:00

Going back to school for a doctorate is my favorite wet dream. And then I read this: The Big Lie About the Life of the Mind. It's like a bucket of cold water dumped in my lap.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-50182313565860110382010-02-09T16:25:00.003-06:002010-02-09T16:30:44.484-06:00

Finally, Fox gives me something that makes me feel good"I'm Not Saying Your Mother's a Whore: Jon Stewart on the O'Reilly Factor. I don't know, seems to me the points Mr. Stewart makes are irrefutable, especially when you Youtube some of Fox and Friends' more telling moments. I'm going to use some of this banter as examples of various rhetorical tropes. There's analogy, erotesis, synechdoche, and

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-67925245922051504242010-02-07T17:48:00.006-06:002010-06-08T21:46:03.936-05:00

My Interview with Sarah Palin Part IIIClick here for the first dumb part | Click here for the second even dumber partAgain, all quotes taken from Palin's "book." Dramamine, necessary for a first reading, can be purchased at most drug stores.ME: Ms. Palin, since we spoke last, you've given a rousing speech at the first National Tea Party Convention, where you made fun of our president for being a

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-7351109486424639002010-02-01T12:56:00.001-06:002010-02-07T18:25:48.606-06:00

My Interview with Sarah Palin Part IIQuotes taken from Going Rogue, just like always. Hey, I read the damned thing. Might as well make some use of it.Click here for Part I.ME: All right, Ms. Palin, I’ve had a chance to calm down and you’ve had a chance to Google economics, so we should be ready to start again, right? I’d like to get more into your tenure as governor. Now, what about this China

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-23496869288315224442010-01-23T15:55:00.008-06:002010-02-07T13:05:17.771-06:00

My Interview with Sarah PalinAll Palin dialogue taken from her book Going Rogue: An American Life, available anywhere fine hardcover memoirs are sold. Handsome, young, budding and incredibly talented reporter walks up to a rustic cabin surrounded by rustic folks field-dressing moose and saluting the flag as only rustic people can do. He knocks on the door and Sarah Palin answers. ME: Ms. Palin, I

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-62738804786624372642010-01-10T19:13:00.004-06:002010-01-10T19:17:23.927-06:00

From the entertainment wires: Natalie Portman refuses to bare all. The actress recently said she wouldn't do any more nude scenes after her Full Monty in Hotel Chevalier had Internet pervs doing still frame screensaver shots of it and throwing the images all over the Internet. Shame. Uh...anyone got a copy? My PrintScreen key seems to be working just fine...

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-70270258839460373302010-01-04T19:18:00.005-06:002010-01-04T19:42:17.908-06:00

Comments I returned to my sophomores today after spending agonizing hours reading their final essay exams.What I Said on the assignment and in person the day I gave them the prompt…MLA headings go in the top left-hand corner of the first page.What They Must Have Heard...“Left, right, what’s the difference? I won’t stand for petty politics in this classroom.”What I Said“Put your citations in

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-51485192854379584132009-12-27T13:36:00.000-06:002010-05-26T17:44:30.296-05:00

A Moderate "Engagement Status" suggestion for FacebookTo Whom It May Concern (aka that young jerk who built this site and is worth the price of a small country...)I have been a Facebook user for about a year now, and I wish to register a complaint. Your "relationship" possibilities are severely limited at best. In truth, they stink. You have "single," "married," "in a relationship with," and

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-33035892205886301302009-12-23T12:17:00.005-06:002009-12-23T12:25:59.910-06:00

Bullets in Madison Emotes at the Empty BottleSpecial to the Flannel DiariesIt's about seven-thirty on a Tuesday night and I'm being dropped off at the Empty Bottle on Western Avenue on the beautiful West Side of Chicago. My girlfriend, the Woman who Holds the Bottle Opener to the Beer That Is My Heart, has an annoyed, peeved look on her face. I get that look a lot. It's a masquerade for true love

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-54172193494556558782009-12-21T18:15:00.002-06:002010-01-24T15:53:49.839-06:00

This new phone is a total time suck. I waste more time on stupid crap than I ever did and I'm reading less than ever in my life. However, the voice blogging is pretty cool.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-66165020732961460862009-12-18T17:08:00.000-06:002009-12-19T06:52:06.830-06:00

MY GOLDEN APPLE MOMENTS OF 2009These accounts are not invented. They are written here verbatim. Especially #3301. These are my students. I am their teacher. We are all so screwed. Teaching Moment #1826ME: Okay, open your books to page 23. KID: What page? ME: Twenty-three. OTHER KID: Okay. Wait, what page? ME: I quit. Teaching Moment #1827ME: Some of you forgot to put title pages on your papers.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-77124655387115083692009-12-13T05:50:00.002-06:002009-12-13T06:01:49.298-06:00

Ode to Jackson, MIOvertureThe night is wrapped like a woolen blanketAbout a pair of irritated feet.Three a.m.The women in doorways beckon to their men,One hand behind the backWhile shoving them through the door.I have seen them all beforeIn some dimly lit, half-forgotten place.I have heard the storyOf forgotten gloryAnd a newly remembered face,But this is a book I couldn't completeBefore its

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-87574447006605016812009-12-06T13:39:00.000-06:002009-12-06T13:40:35.196-06:00

Doug, from MTV's "The State." True teenaged angst. The State - MTV Shows

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-1356353927811607742009-12-05T15:56:00.002-06:002009-12-05T15:58:35.319-06:00

Andrew Hicks is back! Check out the reposted A Year in the Life of a Nerd. He's no Jay Pinkerton, but he's good for a chuckle.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3199978.post-41279481136672683262009-11-28T21:24:00.006-06:002009-12-05T17:06:41.477-06:00

Dinner at John'sSOUTH SIDE, CHICAGO--John had the nerve to complain that I don't write enough in here. So, here goes:I'm at John's place now. And guess what? The service here is terrible. I waited ten minutes for a slice of pizza and had to bring my own beer. Babies crying all over the place. Moms crying about their lot in life being married to John. DCFS constantly popping by for "social visits.

Digger Bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10836274981993390037noreply@blogger.com0